Here's my attempt at poetry. For those of you who have been reading my responses, you know how I feel about poetry, so this is a big step for me...I wrote this last week when I was a litte bit under the weather and a little bit under the effects of cold medication... I was also not sure what to do about punctuation. Any ideas? (I am feeling much better now, thank goodness!)
I'm sick
I'm sick
It's no fun being sick
Drip, drip, drip
goes my nose
I'm sick
Pound, pound, pound
goes my head
I'm sick
Scratch, scratch,scratch
goes my throat
I'm sick
It's no fun being sick
I'm sick of being sick!
Randa,
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you are feeling better! I like that you repeated the verb in the first line and then indented the 2nd line of each stanza. I also like how you began and ended with the same phrasing before finishing with "I'm sick of being sick!" I think you captured exactly how you felt - great word choices. I could picture myself with those same symptoms and I think any reader could as well. I don't think you need any other punctuation besides the ! at the end. For a reluctant poet, I think you did a great job! Janet
Hi Randa,
ReplyDeleteAnother idea is to separate the repeating words such as:
drip
drip
drip
pound
pound
pound
Another possibility is to play with the font size for POUND and other words.
This is a great attempt at your first free verse poem! I look forward to reading it again, deanna
Randa,
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a great job! I caught myself feeling sympathy for you, and also knowing what you are going through because I just got over a cold and felt the exact same way. I liked how you were repetitive with cold symptoms because that's how a cold is. It just keeps hitting you when you are thinking all the while "I wish this would just go away!"
I liked the free verse poem, but maybe you could add a feeling with the same type of verse before the last part. Something like:
I'm sick
Gloomy
Gloomy
Gloomy
Great job! I love it!
Kara
Randa,
ReplyDeleteThis was a great poem! I think your lack of punctuation can actually benefit the poem by way of conveying that when you are sick, there doesn't really seem to be an end mark, you are just sick. If you want to ignore the use of punctuation, you might also consider your use of capital letters and lower case letters.
Thank you for sharing!
Randa,
ReplyDeleteGreat poem! I was a few weeks ago and could really relate. I love your last line, "I'm sick of being sick"
I like the idea of adding one more repeated phrase in the last part like Kara suggested.